I feel scared and excited at the same time. My whole world is changing. Atleast that is, my whole mental health world. It’s becoming more streamlined and structured. First of all my GP is going to become someone that I meet with and talk to only, no meds. I have to find another GP in my town to see to do my prescriptions. This being because my current GP is in another town and that makes it difficult for my care team here to communicate with him, especially when I’m in hospital. Next, I’m going to be working more closely with my case worker. We had our differences for a while, or more specifically I had made up problems, but I think that we can have a really good relationship now. She helped me to work through my issues. And then there’s my psychiatrist, I will be seeing her once a month every month for the next six months so that she can over see my medication. Which brings me too…..medication. My concentration is shot and that’s a huge issue to me right now. So my Olanzapine got changed to Latuda and I’m weaning off of my Seroquel and Valium. It’s a lot. And let me tell you, I really took sleep for granted before, it doesn’t come easy now.
So I have a lot going on. That, and I applied to TAFE and college. I have to sit the STAT test to get into college and I’ll probably fail so lets just assume I’ll be going to TAFE. Either way, I’m going to be a Nurse. And that’s super exciting. I feel like I’m starting a whole new chapter of my life and that’s terrifying. But it’s supposed to be scary, right?
Despite the still lingering Depression, I feel more positive than I have in a while. I feel like, maybe, one day I could be a functioning member of society. Which is pretty huge because I haven’t worked in almost two years. And study? Ha, I dropped out half way through year 11, I haven’t studied in 12 years. It will be a learning curve for sure. But it will be worth it.
I have all of this stuff going on in my life and at first I was stressed and overwhelmed. I was crying and having panic attacks daily. But now, I feel like maybe everything will be okay and it’s a nice feeling. But I don’t know, maybe it’s just the Latuda kicking in.