Rapid cycling isn’t something that I’ve written about yet but it’s something that’s been affecting my life for years. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about rapid cycling is when you have four or more mood episodes within a year. There is also ultradian cycling which is similar only much faster, your moods can flip in a matter of weeks, days, hours, or minutes.
To say the least rapid cycling is exhausting. I don’t have stable periods in between episodes, I got straight from one to the other. I could spend two months suicidally depressed and then wake up one morning on top of the world with mania ready to lead the way.
And it’s hard to say which episodes I prefer. You would think maybe the obvious preference would be mania and all of its glory. But mania can be quite destructive. I can spend a lot of money and ruin relationships. But the high, oh the high, I feel like I could ride it forever. I don’t need sleep, I’m super productive everything is just glorious. Then there’s depression. As shit as it is it can sometimes be safer than mania. For instance there’s no manic spending sprees when depression is in town. I mostly just sleep a lot and mope about.
Rapid cycling sucks, I’m not even going to sugar coat it. There’s nothing good about it. But, I guess, it is what it is and until my doctors come up with a med cocktail to stop it then I’m just going have to ride it out.