A Long Road to Recovery

As people with Bipolar Disorder we’re no strangers to all of the ups and downs that it brings. It can be exhausting. But every so often comes a truly momentous breakdown. One that leaves us in ruins. This happened to me about two and a half years ago, it stretched out over about a year before finally coming to a screeching halt. I fell in a heap. A pathetic heap.

For two and a half years I’ve been in and out of psychiatric hospitals. It’s been eighteen months since I’ve been able to work, I’m now on disability. I feel pathetic. I feel useless. My husband works and I feel useless. I’m a terrible wife, daughter, friend.

I know that I’m not capable of working, my therapist knows that I’m not capable of working, as does my doctor and my employment worker. I frequently have anxiety attacks about working certain types of jobs. They all know that I am deserving of being on disability. But I still feel like a useless pathetic piece of crap. It’s hard not to. I used to be capable of so much, I had the world at my fingertips and it was all taken away from me. Okay, so I was manic but what’s the difference.

My therapist said that it is just going to take time, maybe a lot of time but I will get there eventually. My doctor says the same thing. So does my employment worker. So, I guess what I learnt from this is, if you’re going to have a nervous breakdown make sure that you have a lot of spare time on your hands, preferably a few spare years to recover from it.

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One thought on “A Long Road to Recovery

  1. My huge breakdown was in 2003. A year I tried to work. It was was a total disaster. My Dr talked me into disability in 2006. I feel better now, but my treatment team tells me that if I want to work again, I should try just a few hours a week, that I still don’t handle stress well enough to try to support my family with a full time job. I handle it with hobbies, volunteering, and helping with my kids & grandkids.