I’m trying to be positive. To do positive things. Breed positivity. I’ve started a goals list. Kind of like a bucket list only it’s called a goals list instead. My husband suggested that a bucket list sounded kind of morbid and he kind of has a point. I don’t plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon.
The idea of a goals list is pretty simple, write down a list of things that you want to do and achieve. East right? Not so much. I’m kind of struggling. All I’ve got is stereotypical shit, skydiving, bungee jumping, getting my book published, volunteering/ giving back to my community. But I want to be bold, I want to reach for the stars.
I think that a part of me is afraid. I’m afraid that if I reach too far that I’ll fail, that if I want too much it will get too overwhelming. That a huge list of things will be too daunting. I’m afraid to want and dream and believe that I can achieve.
I have another list, it’s the opposite of a goals list, it’s a list of all of the things that I have already done in life. When I read over that list it makes me believe and gives me hope that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for because I have done some pretty awesome things and some pretty cool things. I’ve lived in a foreign country, I’m an ex addict and recovered alcoholic, I’ve had ECT, I had my own online store, I wrote a book, I played piano and saxophone, I won a pizza making contest, I met John Barrowman at a Comicon, been on a yarn crawl, I won a t-shirt for eating a 1kg beef schnitzel, I have a blog.
Some of these things seem insignificant but they’re all things that I’ve done in my life and are significant to me. They are all experiences that I’ve had, things that I’ve done. These are the things that make me believe that I can do anything, if I want something, I can do it, I can get, I can achieve it.
So my goals list. I’m working on it. I’m working on figuring out what it is I really want on that list.